


In My Life

by barrisscoffees



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, han leaves, it's got like one curse word in it, kind of a mess perspective wise, very mild suicide tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-12 04:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11153913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barrisscoffees/pseuds/barrisscoffees
Summary: They say the loss of a child can tear a family apart. Whoever 'they' were, Han figured they were right.





	In My Life

**Author's Note:**

> Another Beatles song? I know.

“Leia.” Despite Han’s voice behind her, Leia refused to lift her head, knowing - and wasn’t knowing the worst part - that he’d have his bags, “Leia, sweetheart, look at me.” Leia’s eyes fluttered upwards, and, surely enough, Han stood before her, his rugged handsome worn by age and grief.

“You’re leaving.” Han’s breath hitched at the statement - not so much the words themselves but Leia’s cold tone, the one she had promised she would never use with him. But Leia needed to keep her distance, they understood that. It would be easier.

“We agreed it would be best.” Leia’s head dropped briefly back down into her arms, her forehead just barely resting on the cold kitchen table.

“I agreed. You acquiesced.” Han thought briefly back to Hoth and the biting cold - the same cold creeping into their - her - kitchen, its indifferent tendrils crawling across the floor and inching up Han’s feet.

“I love you, Leia.” She scoffed. At his ankles now.

“That’s the problem isn’t it.” Leia could hardly contain the jumble of emotions running through her heart, but that was the thing, even before the minimal Jedi training, Leia always was better at reining in her emotions than anyone. Compartmentalization, Han liked to call it. But Jedi training or no, couldn’t stop the bitterness leaking into Leia words or affect, “I never could love you as well as you did me.”

“Leia.” Everyone was wrong about him, Leia thought. He wasn’t rough around the edges, he was soft, so soft, and she was the cold precise surgeon’s scalpel severing their ties. Ice Bitch, they called her on Hoth. No wonder she never seems cold, she was frozen before she got here.

“Maybe,” Leia rambled, now unable to stop her self-abusive tirade, “if I wasn’t so damn good at being angry all the time I could have seen it.”

“Leia-” Han’s tone had now adopted that desperate, pleading edge. The ice had reached his knees. 

“Maybe if I hadn’t been so afraid of becoming my father, I would been able to stop our son from becoming him.”

“Leia, we knew Jedi training might not have been a good idea that’s why you stopped.”

“Better me than him.” Han felt the ice reach his gut.

“That’s bullshit, Leia. You are not responsible for Ben’s failings.”

“Just leave Han. It's what you’re good at.” The cold’s greedy fingers dug their claws into the soft, warm interior of Han’s stomach, shredding him through and through. As best he could, Han inched around the counter. Placing his bag near their feet, Han pulled Leia into a slow embrace, his lips pressed against her head.

“I will always love you, Leia, no matter what.”

“I know.” Before Leia could pick her head back up again, he was gone. Cold crept into the room. Leia reached up and dug her nails into the flesh of her throat, wondering briefly how much pressure it would take to tear the thin skin between her tired hands and jugular.

**Author's Note:**

> HEY! It's Friday, so this is definitely late, but GUESS WHO'S A HIGH SCHOOL GRAD! THAT'S RIGHT ME!
> 
> So just fyi, this is my last like movie-verse fic for a while, 'cause I've got like four tcw fics lined up. Anyways, I have no idea how accurate this actually is to canon (I don't keep up with comics or books or visual guides), but here we are.
> 
> Anyways, thanks to all who review or leave kudos, you're the best!
> 
> Much love to thedorkyastra, and thanks to Edith, my good friend, my buddy, my homie.
> 
> Constructive criticism is always welcome!


End file.
